Well, I have already slacked on my blogging, big surprise! To be fair, over the last 6 weeks we have had Christmas, New Year, I have changed departments at work, had a surprise visit from family, and sadly, last week, a death in the family. Pretty power packed few weeks, but alas, it is time to get back to a routine, and get back to looking ahead. I had very good intentions of writing about New Year's resolutions about 4 weeks ago, but as yesterday was Chinese New Year, I will seize that as my opportunity.
I, like everyone else, am very ambitious with my resolutions. Also, my resolutions are probably the exact same as 99% of others' resolutions: quit smoking, exercise more, eat better, reduce stress. Now, here is the kicker... I actually have to do these things for two very important reasons: 1) after trying for almost 15 months with no success, we are seeking a fertility specialist (I'll save that for my next post), and 2) I, like many stressed out folks, have developed a pretty nasty recurrence of panic disorder. In fact, it began in graduate school about 9 years ago, and has come and gone since then, but I have definitely noticed that lifestyle choices will make or break the frequency and severity of anxiety and panic attacks.
I would like to be clear that I am by no means an authority on any of this, I am only an authority on myself, and even then, it is trial and error. I only know what has been helpful to me in the past. I had a really great period between about 2008-2010 when I didn't smoke, didn't drink, ate zero processed foods, worked out at least 3 days a week, volunteered at least 3 days a week at a horse barn with special needs children and adults....but as you can imagine....I was not working at the time. I was caring for my ailing grandmother. This meant I had zero stress, an abundance of time, and very few financial concerns. This is not reality for most of us. Even those who do not have traditional 9-5 jobs are either stay at home moms, preoccupied by mortgages, car payments, etc. and time is still of a premium. So, that lifestyle that had me happy, positive, healthy, successful, in great shape, and without panic was an insane privilege and an anomaly that will never occur again.
I am happy to say that even after my grandmother passed and I moved into a high demand job, I maintained my routine temporarily. I worked in a job I loved. I maintained my exercise routine and ate well. I had a cigarette occasionally, but rarely. But then, as it does, life happened. Trips to the gym became more scarce. I met my now husband, and cooking for two became a little less healthy. I started smoking again, and then we moved back to the big city. I am happy to say that I still volunteer at the same therapeutic riding center, however now it is only 2 hours a week, and that is the only remnant left of my healthy lifestyle. It also just dawned on me that my former incredible existence was 5 YEARS AGO! So, I need to get serious about this again. I need to be realistic about my goals. Luckily, my husband is on board (in theory).
We have taken steps. I am a frugal person by nature, and we have joined our local YMCA. It is an expense that I'd rather not have for no reason. Luckily there is an amazing Body Flow class on Saturdays (the only day I can go because of my lengthy commute to work) which helps to reduce stress and strengthens by body and mind. Now if I could only add about 25 minutes on the treadmill 3 days a week I would completely change my body and greatly reduce my stress level. So, that is my goal. Trouble is: I do none of it, and the main reason is because I SMOKE on my commute. So smoky lungs and the treadmill don't mix.
This brings me to the "quit smoking" part. These two things need to happen simultaneously- quitting smoking and getting to the gym for stress and health. Diet is also very important. Luckily I love to cook, and am not bad at it. Cooking is time consuming, and meal planning actually is too. Luckily, I am great at shopping for the week, using everything I buy, and buying on a budget. However, I can get lazy by Wednesday, so I need to remedy that.
Setting large goals, and trying to accomplish them simultaneously is a tall order. It is stacking the odds against me. But as I said above, my stress level, and my desire to start a family are the catalysts in this change. My husband and I are incredibly happy in our occupations, we are so blessed to have a fantastic relationship, we live in a lovely neighborhood, and we are on the same page in these lifestyle changes.
So, how do I begin? Without a doubt quitting smoking is going to be the hardest. When I commute, which is nearly 2 hours total a day, I smoke. I actually practically chain smoke. It is 90% the habit and physicality of it, and 10% the actual nicotine. I just read that cinnamon toothpicks are a great substitute. I also have an e cigarette. I'm going to start with that this week. We will see how that goes!
Exercise. Happy lungs = better endurance. If I can stick to my Saturday Body Flow class, and I work with horses a couple hours on Wednesdays, I really only need to try to run about twice a week. God I hate running. But, what better way to relieve work stress and feel good than to hop on a treadmill after my commute. Totally feasible. My husband gets home about 2 hours after me, so I can work out on the way home from work. Time to pack a gym bag! Mondays and Thursdays should work. That is incredibly ambitious, but you know, you really just have to make up your mind and do it. Also, I have to be in my sister's wedding in about 5 months and I ordered my dress a size too small...so that is an incentive. I also can't fit into half of my really cute clothes.
Finally- food. That really is the least of my problems. I love to eat. I am very good about bringing my lunches, I am, however, getting lazy about dinner. Working out after work should help. Remembering to thaw out meat the night before will be life changing. Packing lunch the night before will also help. So will meal planning.
This is ambitious. This will be difficult. But frankly, I have no choice. Life is short. Stress kills. If I want to be a good parent (or a parent at all) and live a long, healthy life without fear and constant health problems, this is the solution. Taking responsibility for your health and wellness is part of being an adult, and this what this blog is all about, right? Right. Wish me luck!
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